'Mommy, It's Too Much Too Soon', A Child's Dilema Today

By Nabilah Saleh KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 24 (Bernama) -- In today's fast paced world life appears to be a rat race for everyone. Even the young are not spared from the race to constantly stay ahead of their peers. In their quest to prepare their children to keep up with the rest, parents pay no heed to their children's feelings, interests or even their inborn talents. Recently it was reported that there were parents sending their children as young as four years old to tuition centres and extra classes to prepare them to compete in school. The question is, is it necessary to start them so young? Are the parents aware that these children are not yet physically, mentally or even emotionally ready for formal education? WHO IS TO BLAME? As a mother of two children, the writer wonders what brought about this parent's obsession of seeing children competing with one another in education and every sphere of life. In delving into this rage, KinderKaizen Child Enrichment Centre founder and managing director Dr Putri Afzan Maria Zulkifli told Bernama that there were various contributing factors including the inherent human nature to compete. Factors like cultural and societal influences, and the surroundings too play a role. "It is a norm in today's Malaysian society to talk about and compare matters regarding a child's development in academics. It is not out of the ordinary," she said. However, it is not the same in other countries. "In Finland, for example, the topic of academics will not be raised until a child is seven years old. Normally they just touch on their physical and mental development, such as a child's ability to skateboard or scale walls," she said. Putri Afzan noted that the parents' obsession on their child's education inadvertantly denies the child of the many things associated with childhood, including playing. Though today's parents may be knowledgeable and may able to provide the best education for their children, parents have to understand that life is not about academic learning only. MENTAL DEVELOPMENT Putri Afzan explained that it is even more critical that parents were too focused on cognitive mental development, which represents only 10 percent of a child's development in the first six years. Almost 90 percent of the child's development is through play, during which all mental and physical components connect, function and develop. Putri Afzan who has a PhD in Cognitive Science from the University of Sussex in Britain believes that emphasis on academics is also the cause of cortisol instability, which can increase physical and emotional stress. Cortisol also called the stress hormone because it would be secreted in a larger quantity as part of its reaction towards physical or emotional stress, she explained. Hence, is not impossible for the children to undergo this problem should they be stressed, worried or depressed. "If you push your child too much at a very young age, a high level of cortisol will be produced impeding the brain processes. However, parents nowadays are pushing their children's brain to the limit. The children may end up with lower cognitive function, thus, what's the point?" she pointed out. On the other hand, if parents take things too lightly by giving their child the freedom to watch television or play games without control a low cortisol secretion will also result in the same lower cognitive function. "Therefore it is best to balance development and learning. If the child has not shown interest and it isn't time yet for what we want to teach, be patient. "Trust me, when it's time and without any compulsion, they will be able to cope beautifully," said the mother of five. CHILD'S HAPPINESS NOT A PRIORITY According to Associate Professor Dr Mastura Badzis from the International Islamic University of Malaysia's (IIUM) Department of Educational Psychology and Counseling, the psychological impact on children due to their parents obession with education is worrying. It was not surprising that a study she conducted revealed only a small number of parents considered their child's happiness being a factor in choosing a preschool. "Imagine, of the 30 couples asked in an in-depth analysis, only 2 chose based on their child's happiness while the highest number chose academic excellence as their main criteria," she said. Other choices were made based on accessibility/practical issues (19), preschool prospectus/philosophy (14), reputation (9) and personal reasons (9). Citing from the studies of Peter Gray, an American psychology expert from Boston College who has over 40 years of experience in the evolution of childhood play, subject-based learning is what contributes to problems compared with developmental-based learning. "Today, more time and learning methods for children are replaced and arranged by adults. The most obvious impact is that they grow up with the inability to think and solve problems, and we haven't even begun talking about health problem like obesity or suicidal behaviour," she added. ACT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE Looking at incidents of children who were stressed out, parents need to increase their knowledge and openness to accept changes in indentifying their child's potential. Most importantly understand the concept and needs of children who need to play freely, without coercion or restrictions, especially in accepting formal education. Putri Afzan Maria emphasised that approaching children in a calm manner while reviewing and understanding their innate character is the best thing a parent can do. "Relax and be in charge. You know your child's character best as well as their capability. "It is very simple - if they are happy, they will be fine. A little bit of boredom is good because they will eventually be creative and create their own play," she concluded. -- BERNAMA