Yonhap Feature) S. Korea's 'Toyman' blurs traditional gender stereotype

(ATTN: photos available)
By Shin Hae-in
SEOUL, May 24 (Yonhap) -- Kim Joon-pyo never had that many friends in college, a
shy student too timid to approach female classmates and a sissy to the other guys
in school. Most didn't want to hang out with him.

Preferring art house cinema to shooting hoops and wine over chugging down beers,
Kim paid keen attention to how he dressed and was "too sensitive" to join in the
carousing of his fellow students.
"I used to consider myself an outsider, the complete opposite of a typical Korean
guy," said the 32-year-old marketing manager who requested to be identified by
his pseudonym. "Nowadays, I spot many men like me."
Kim -- who finds consolation in classical music, enjoys shopping at small
boutiques in extravagant Seoul neighborhoods, plays the clarinet, rides a Vespa
motor scooter and has a personal wine collection at home -- is a typical
"Toyman," an increasingly common term among younger Koreans in their 20s and
early 30s.
The term is taken in part from the 1990s pop group "Toy," which enjoyed a
substantial female following drawn to the band's often sad and poetic lyrics, and
reflects a blurring of gender roles in this traditionally male-dominated
Confucian society.
Like the tunes that gave the phenomenon its name, South Korea's new male is
distinctly more feminine -- sensitive, poetic, attentive. They don't believe in
extravagance, always happy to search for a good bargain, and highly egoistic.
A Toyman, among other characteristics, will gladly cook pasta for himself, is
extremely picky about clothes, prefers classy scooters over sports cars, is
strict in dieting, regards unrequited love as "sad and romantic," despises
self-help books, rarely watches sports, has a sweet tooth, plays musical
instruments and will start searching for his girlfriend's birthday present more
than a month ahead.
"I think it has become meaningless to distinguish male characteristics from those
of women," said Kim, who owns more than 30 pairs of jeans and 20 pairs of
glasses. "My girlfriend is actually much less talkative and sensitive than I. I
believe there will be more feminine men and masculine women in the future."
Several such male characters have in fact recently appeared on TV shows,
including the singer Alex on the popular reality show "We Got Married," Kim
Hyun-joong in the drama "Boys over Flowers" and of course Yoo Hee-yeol, the
vocalist with the group Toy.
Most South Korean men call them "annoying."
"God I hate them. They're men's worst enemy," said Ahn Young-soo, 37. "I hate it
when my wife watches a sissy guy on television and compares me with him. I'd
never ever befriend such a girlish man."
Usually fair skinned and pretty faced, a Toyman cooks for women, goes shopping
with them, sings for them and offers to listen.
"I dated such a guy once and we had a lot of fun sharing similar interests," said
Lim Na-ri, 31. "He'd never bug me to go drinking like other guys and would
prepare all these small surprises. I haven't found someone quite like him since."

Calling her husband a "typical Toyman," Ahn Yoo-sun said such men made good
marriage material.
"I like the fact that my husband and I both know the importance of respecting
each other's own private time and hobbies," said Ahn, who got married last
October. "When I was dating him, I was astonished by the fact that I could
actually have a heart-to-heart with a man."
Office worker Yoon Young-mi said Toymen were like girlfriends.
"You don't become a Toyman by simply being nice to girls. It really depends on
how much you understand them," she said. "Just like girlfriends, a Toyman will
lend you a shoulder to cry on, listen to you, give out sincere advice and
actually know what you really need. Who wouldn't like him?"
Experts attribute the advent of this new male type to a surge in individualism
and plummeting marriage rates.
"Modern values such as individualism are increasingly challenging traditional
boundaries, telling men they no longer have to be locked up in stuffy suits and
social prejudices," said media critic Kang Myung-suk. "Realizing that being a
stereotype macho does not guarantee success, a growing number of men are becoming
more honest about their somewhat 'feminine' desires and are preferring to stay
single for as long as they can."
But ironically, not many South Korean women consider Toymen to be eligible
marriage material and still prefer their "manly" male counterparts for long-term
relationships, according to a recent survey.
The poll, conducted on 100 female office workers in Seoul by the group Media
Poll, showed 37 women saying they "would date" a Toyman, though only five said
they were willing to marry one.
While traditional Korean men consider success and family as the two most
important factors in life, Toymen put much more emphasis on finding joy and
meaning in daily life. While they are gentlemanly and attentive to women's needs,
marriage does not top their to-do list.
"They might be fun as friends, but a husband? I'm not so sure," said 27-year-old
Kim Hee-sun. "They seem too self-centered and sensitive to become decent,
dependable husbands."
"While they rarely demand anything in a relationship, Toymen are unwilling to
take any responsibility in a relationship. This drives women away in the
long-run," said culture critic Kim Hong-gi.
"Traditional Korean men, the macho type, gladly give up their own tastes for
'more important causes' such as marriage and family. To Toymen, their personal
interest and happiness is always the top priority," Kim added. "In this sense,
Toymen are actually much more conceited and selfish -- only appealing as an image
like a character in a novel."
But the number of Toymen, or any other type of male that challenges the
traditional gender division, will continue to increase, media critic Kang said.
"Toymen are not in the majority as Korean society still puts more weight on
hierarchical relationships," he said. "But as a socio-cultural product, such men
will continue to increase. We may be seeing more men crying in public in the
future."
hayney@yna.co.kr
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